In May 2005, my friend Bryan and I went on vacation in Myrtle Beach where we had a blast – and a beer or many.

One day we went out to play golf. Actually Bryan just rode along to watch and heckle me. We were paired up with a member of the course, Joe, who was a very amiable and entertaining fellow, but I digress.

On the 15th hole, a par 3, Joe and I both hit respectable shots on the green. Upon arriving at the green, Bryan announced he was going to the restroom to relieve himself of some rather uncomfortable sensations due to the inundation of his body by beer and iced tea.

Joe and I made our putts and headed back to the cart, where Bryan noticed my sunflower seeds on the floor of the cart and quipped something to the effect of, “You sloppy #@$&*!” I responded, noting that my bag of sunflower seeds was missing, thinking they had exited the cart during the trip from the tee to the green.

As I gazed down the snaking, sun-drenched path, Bryan offered the explanation, “Maybe he has them!” I turned and to my surprise – and amusement – there sat a bushy-tailed bandit in the form of a sneaky squirrel.

With my quick wit, and understanding of little, furry woodland creatures, I stomped at the minute marauder to startle him, hoping he would drop his bounty and scamper away allowing me to reclaim what once was mine. Much to my chagrin – and also amusement – he darted off, with his booty in tow.

Taking advantage of his assumed victory, he paused to snack some more. I took another few nimble steps, and he quickly retreated to the next tree. He must have guessed that because of my size I would not be able to catch him, so he rested once more to partake in portions of this mother lode.

The next tee was right there so I went ahead to play my next shot, all the while the furry filcher was enjoying what was to be my sustenance. In a ploy to spite me, the bane of my existence sat just a few yards off the tee, seemingly to torment me by eating my food within my sight, but out of my reach.
I could have sworn I heard a snicker escape his mouth between morsels.

At this point I acquiesced, anointing him the victor in this battle of Man versus Beast. All I wanted was a picture: A picture to remember this event for a lifetime and to remind me not to trust nature. Ever again.