Have you or someone you know been the victim of racial discrimination? Have you been racially profiled? Have you not been re-elected because of "the J-E-W-S"?* Have you been accused of striking a Capitol Hill Police Officer after you refused to stop at the security checkpoint?

Well, have no fear, the Official Race Card is finally here!

No longer will you have to answer for your questionable behavior! No longer will whitey be able to keep you down! Now you can get out of prison time or any social predicament . . . absolutely Scott free!

Just download and print out the above card to begin your paid-in-full-by-birthright membership today!

Whites and conservative blacks ineligible for benefits.

*After Cynthia McKinney was ousted by the crossover Republicans in the primary of 2002, her father, Billy McKinney (who would face de-election in the general primary) was caught on tape proclaiming that his daughter was cheated out of her rightful re-election by "Jews! The J-E-W-S!"